Isolationism, Fear and Addiction

Well, this is a heavy topic, but one that my heart has been led to talk about. Mainly because it is just now that I feel comfortable with where I am at, where the Lord has taken me and how he has taken me there.

My goal has always been to be a great mom. Not just the kind that stays home with here kids, but the kind that interacts, loves and kisses her kids. I want to encourage them, disciple them, train them, etc. But I will share with you what keeps me from all of that.

My computer, my emails, my facebook, my blog. Other things are more important and get in the way. Other things make my heart more selfish and long more for "me" time then for the important things...my children.

I have known this about myself for a long time. So long in fact that the Lord really spoke to my heart many times before about my problem. You see having a large family is great, full of so much fun and surprises, but it also can lead to, for me, fear of being alone. I am a huge people person, so my fear is not having people around me. Besides my children.

So how does my title play into where the Lord is leading me right now...well, when you are a people person and have a little one who nurses and is on a tight schedule come the evening not really allowing me too much time, you fall into a rountine that usually involves the same thing and you can't do much outside of that. When you have little ones who are sick and you miss a few weekends at church, where your family is, you feel a little isolated when you come back. The fear of the unknown.

That one is big. You see we are at a crossroads. The Lord has showed us that we are missing blessings because of the debt we have over our heads. So we are cutting back, I mean really cutting back. To the point of no land line, no internet, and many others. I don't mind it because I know that in the end we are following the Lord's promptings. We can then enjoy the Lord's blessing because we are doing what He has asked of us. But there is fear of not knowing what to do, so much is being taken away, so there is fear.

My addiction to the computer has also brought up the fear and isolationism. You fall into a rut of doing the same thing, you fall into a rut of just going through the motions. The fear of finances. I don't want that fear anymore and am willing to sacrifice all my creature comforts for us to successfully get out of that debt. It may take a few years, but it will be well worth it in the end!

I am excited to see where the Lord is leading us. It won't be easy, but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, I see the silver lining and it is so much more beautiful without the burdens.

Don't worry I will give warning before I just disconnect.