Who I am...

I have been thinking of typing out some sort of testimony so you know who I really am. So I thought I would start with a little background of me.

I am divorced, my oldest son is from that marriage. I met Bret while on my own with my son and he was only 15 months. Bret and I married a year later and my son has never known a life without Bret in it. I was very much into looks, material possessions, and money. As a matter of fact we both were, so we chased money wherever it took us.

I became a Christian shortly after having Lauren. Bret and I took her (6 weeks old) to a Barnes and Noble to sit and read and met some wonderful ladies and their families. There were 3 women with their husbands reading and laughing with their kids. It was funny because a little time before that I was telling Bret that something was missing. I couldn't quite figure it out. Well, after talking a bit we exchanged numbers and got a card to attend their church. It took us 4 weeks of invites and all the such to finally go. And you know what, I was hooked. I was starving for Jesus and He knew it. He knew they had what I needed and I studied the Bible and was baptized Feb. 16 of 2003. It was awesome!! I can't even tell you how beautiful my baptism was. It wasn't done in a big church or anything, it was small, intimate and private, with those who led me singing to me.

Well, though I was new I had a lot to learn. So, we chased our money and dreams to Las Vegas and Colorado and finally back here to Arizona. During that time there was a lot to learn, grow, and be. It wasn't easy but I met some really great women along the way who really encouraged and helped me. I really feel that the Lord protected me so much during that time.

So, here I am. Expecting #5. I am not perfect, hardly. I need God so much each day! I truly rely on Him and praise Him for everything that is good and bad. I wait for Him eagerly each day. We have been blessed because during our time of being selfish and chasing we had a vasectomy. 14 months later we were convicted and had it reversed. Danielle and Madeline are both born after our reversal. We feel truly that God convicted and we obeyed, He did the rest. We knew there was a chance that it wouldn't work, but God saw our hearts. So here we are.

We also have been blessed by our relationship with Hunter's dad. Hunter goes 2 x a month to visit and we have our ups and downs because he goes to an unbelieving home. But we are seeing many blessings come from that, God's sovreign protection, and just the heart to know that he isn't mine, I am just planting the seeds. (Which really doesn't make it easier.)

We have never called ourselves a step family, just a family. We try to keep ourselves firmly planted in God's Word, and do all that He has asked us to do. Some days are hard and some are easy, some seasons are full of joy and others, well, our focus has to be on Him who called us here.

I never thought in my lifetime that I would ever meet anyone like my husband. I had such bad self-esteem and came from a really bad relationship. God truly is amazing and has such a plan for each of our lives. I am so unworthy of His love, but He gives it so freely. He sees our hearts, and then he blesses. Life wasn't always good, it wasn't always joyful, and even now in my wedded bliss, there are days when life seems to get in the way, but you know what, I have been blessed in spite of all my sin.

I know I am forgiven, and for a long time people in the Christian circles told me I was going to hell and living in adultery because of divorce. Oh, that was so hard to hear. It took me 6 years to allow Jesus to forgive me! It was a hard road. Now I am free, in His love, to boast of his loving kindness. Was my divorce God's best? No! Do I advocate divorce? Not at all! Only God knows, and we are not to judge the circumstances of others, just show them our love.

So here I am, a home school mom of soon to be 5. This is after I never wanted to have kids, I cared more about myself than for anybody else, all I wanted was money, cars, and a house, a big fancy job with the paycheck to match, and all the fancy restaraunts to match.

My life is awesome! I wouldn't change a single moment of it or what it took to get me here. I want you to know who I am. I am not perfect. I am a woman who just loves God and trys ever so hard in her inperfect ways to love Him and honor Him.

One day I would love to speak on my situation to other women, to encourage them, because there is so much more that I have learned and am learning. I want other women to feel empowered because of Christ. To let go of the world's standards and live freely in Christ.

I hope you will love and live free in Christ.