My heart seems to be a little overwhelmed lately. It seems that an impending birth always makes me remember all the things I don't get done in a day because I am too tired or too lazy. I know all the work that needs to be done and I am called to work and serve and I am not guaranteed a break but I want one. I want to curl up in my chair, in my room, in quiet and just sit and read or do nothing. But with 4 little people who need me, I just can't do that. Then I go through the spiral of having my poor me attitude or just an attitude all day long. Who wants to be around that??? Not me.
So, today I am using my blog to rant because I need to vocalize my heart. Though I don't want it to be my heart. I just want to wake up and be a joyful mother, I don't want to have to fight through all the muck and yuck, I don't always want to see my short comings, my failings, and be reminded of the sad state I truly am in, without my Lord.
How does one overcome such gloom. Well for me it is readjusting my eyes. Remembering all the wonderful blessings in my life, the goodness, the kindess, the joy. Focusing on the happy moments, not just all the things I need to fix in myself. I know, I don't need to fix it myself, I have God to help, but don't you sometimes just want to be all worked on and done?? Done so you can see yourself on the outside and inside, just like you envision yourself in your mind. I have such a beautiful picture in my mind of what I am like...but at this moment I am far from it.
For a moment I will have mine and by the end of the day I will be fine, but right now everything seems overwhelming and unsurmountable. So I will have chocolate and cup of coffee and take a deep breath. I think writing things out will help of all I want to accomplish, and my so called schedule, well let me tell you something about that. I love it, but it is also my demise, I feel awful when I don't accomplish everything on it, then I feel like a failure and feel so rushed and stressed the minute I wake up. I want to cook and clean, sew and type, surf a little, and read to my little people, I want to be available to help and I feel that with all I want to accomplish I don't have any time for myself.
Do I need time for myself? Is that biblical? Am I supposed to expect that, or am I in constant servitude and how do I overcome that desire?? So many questions, I guess I should go and get on my knees. Have a blessed day. Sorry for the ranting. :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
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2 comments:
I hear you on wanting to be "completed" & not struggling anymore. I told a friend the other day that I don't expect to be perfect right now, but it sure would be nice to only have one struggle at a time.
I pray these next few weeks go quickly for you. We keep you in our prayers.
Well I do not think there is a problem with wanting time to refresh yourself - and I believe that it is biblical.
The first thing that comes to mind reading this is that God made the world in 6 days ~ and rested the seventh day. Although we no longer need to keep the Law as we have been saved by grace, there is wisdom in all of the scriptures. Some people believe that Christians incorrectly observe the Sabbath on Sunday - when it is really on Saturday (Sunday is the Lord's Day). However, I believe in taking a day to do the barest minimum and spend time together as a family - Husband, wife and children - relaxing, enjoying each others company, reading, praying and getting generally refreshed for the week to come.
Also, even Jesus took time out from the many people that needed Him desperately - those people that He was sent to save - as He knew He needed personal time with the Father for refreshment, guidance, and spiritual revelation. Was the Master wrong for taking refuge regularly? Well quite often after much devoted meditation, prayer and fasting - Jesus performed some of His greatest miracles!
Seek the Lord in this, and take time for yourself - because you will burn out spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically if you do not. The wisdom of God says that we need to take one day in seven to rest from our work, and I believe it is just as important now as it was then.
Sending blessings your way,
Angela
www.purposefulwomanhood.net
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