What is a meek and quiet spirit?

God has led me to really work at a meek and quiet spirit. Especially with my children. That is in my facial expressions, my tone, and how I talk with them. This has been on my heart for a long while, but I seem to fail at it all the time. I want to be the type of mommy who never yells, never raises her voice, is sweet in discipline, encourages and praises, and my facial expressions just exudes the love I have for them.

You see in my heart, I adore my girls...all of them. Even when they take permenant marker and color their finger nails or when they want some cheerios and wind up dumping the whole bag on the floor, or when they smear sour cream all over the kitchen table. I even love them when it takes me and daddy (more daddy) 1 1/2 hrs to get them to go to bed at night because of all the hoopla, potty, tissues, songs, prayer, etc. But why is that in my heart I absolutely love and adore them, but I can't express it outside of my heart? Why is it that the world and my flesh win over what my heart's desire is?

I see a picture in my heart of what my relationship is with my girls. Smiling, laughing, and just instructing them in the Lord. I see us cooking together, cleaning together, sewing together, and it isn't that doesn't happen, but I see my face so sweet, looking upon them with such joy, I most of the time am too worried about what needs to be done next, the mess that it makes, or just want to be by myself. Why does that win and how do I overcome it?

The Lord has really prompted me in this area, I am convicted rather quickly of my facial expressions, tone in my voice and my anger. I am so thankful for the start. I would much rather be done with it and be where my heart wants me to be rather than working towards my goal. The sad thing is that I see a lot of me and how I handle things in my girls, rather than just enjoying them. Some would say that you just make a choice, and I agree, however, how do you turn off what has been turned on for so long?

I want to smile at them more, kiss them more, hug them more, not always feel like I have to move onto the next thing, or think, later, I will do it later after this, but after this, comes that.

I am striving with all my mind, body, heart and soul to make this not just a goal, but a reality. To have this unbelieveable, serene joy, no matter what they do. If I can love Jesus with all my heart, I should be able to do that for my girls. I know a lot has to do with my expectations of them. You ever notice how awful expectations are...especially when they are unmet...whew, they bum me out!

So here I am, with my heart on my sleeve, really working hard and failing even harder some days. But I am so thankful for my God, for showing me an area I need to work on so that I may be the woman he has created me to be and I am ever so thankful to my heart for listening.

God bless.