So Much To Learn....

There is a lot that I am learning from my situation with Hunter. I love him so much and really miss him. I really wish a lot that he would have loved being home with us. I really wish that I would have changed a lot of what I needed to change instead of knowing what needed to change and just shove it aside because of my own sinful and selfish self.

I am learning that praise is the best thing that we can do for our children. To overlook their faults and praise them, no matter what. To praise, hug and kiss more than we point out their mistakes. We can pray that the Lord would work in them, but those who praise them are those that have their hearts. I obviously lost that one, though not forever I hope. I heard those words so many times and even today, still have a hard time praising.

Each day I am so thankful to be home with my children, but do they know that, do I scowl more than smile. Absolutely, so much to do and get done. But a smile changes the whole room, a smile brings peace and unconditional love to a heart. A smile says, I love you! Do I say that each day with my face...no way.

Hunter is teaching me that I wish I could change all the things and take back much of what I did to show him just how much I love him. But I can't. I can only move forward. I think that is the hardest part. Trying to retie and undo much of what has been done. I believe in my heart, that it was my lack of listening to God that drove him away. I do believe in my heart, that I still have a chance, but I need to listen and do, not just listen and wish.

I heard over the weekend the importance of choosing joy, no matter what. I need to choose God over how I feel, and in that I will choose His ways and not my own. And for some reason when my eyelids are heavy and I am extremely tired, and just want to be lazy, it is hard. But I am learning so much. I will not drive my children away because of my selfishness and my laziness, but I will draw them to God by my change of heart. I know that each day will be grace filled because I cannot do this on my own, but God changes the heart and the will. Praise be to God!

I hope this encourages you on your journey with your children. I am not perfect, but I have a heart to serve God.