Learning Lesson

It is no secret that I have suffered through some form of depression with Mady being born. I wasn't sad that she was here, but extremely overwhelmed by her needs. And the fact that I had 4 older children that needed my attention as well, I didn't know how to handle all the different needs that each person had. I didn't know how to be joyful, happy, and content.

Instead, I focused on myself. All the things I was missing. Tattoos and drinks on the beach. (Don't worry I didn't get a tattoo). I was so selfish in my thoughts and my actions. I just wanted to be alone and not have anyone bother me, share my food with and just be.

I would read my Bible and it would go in one ear and out the other, it wouldn't stick and I couldn't remember a single thing. I would lay my head down to pray only to fall asleep and feel guilty for not even being able to pray.

But it is with the Lord's help that I have beena ble to overcome. My eyes are clean, my heart is focused on him. After 9 weeks I can almost say I feel normal. Am I ready to get pregnant again right now...well, that is not in my hands. We have so much selfishness built up in our hearts. But God didn't create us to be happy focusing on ourselves, but He did create us to be happy by pouring our lives into others. I forgot that. My focus was so centered on me that I forgot about what true joy and happiness is. It isn't me at all, but all the others that the Lord has placed in my life.

So with this lesson learned and probably still being learned, I am truly moving forward joyfully, happily and with much content. I hope that my story helps you in your journey wherever you may be in it.

God bless.