1/2 The Family Is Gone...

What will I do with myself? My 3 kids and daddy are gone to Nebraska to visit his grandma. We decided that I should stay behind with the 2 little ones. And to be honest I am glad I did. Mady is having a really bad case of reflux and there is nothing like my mom being here, hanging out and just being in my own environment.

The kids are having a blast. Grandma lives right on the lake, so they basically just walked right out to go swimming and have been every day all day... except today, they went to the zoo. They are all having a blast.

I really miss my best friend though, I can't wait for him to come home so I can kiss him and love him. He is so special to me.

My mom and I have been eating really well and watching many girly chick flicks. When she got here Saturday we watched "50 First Dates", yesterday it was "Sweet Home Alabama", and tonight, "Never Been Kissed." Can I just say, "awwww!" It has been nice.

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On a side note, life has been a little gray. There is so much beckoning all the time, the fact that I shower is amazing. You know one of my "little things" is that I don't ever want to be a frumpy mom, I really want to always look amazing for my husband. I know he loves that! I love working out and being strong, feeling strong, having muscles. Right now, well, let's just say cellulite rules!! :)

Life with 5 is crazy and hectic, busy from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed. Most days I have no time for me, Bret, or anything else for that matter. God feels very distant and far, it is almost like He isn't there. I know He is, and I am sure He is just letting me throw my fit. But I am sorting through life.

There are so many questions on my heart right now:
Am I done with having children?
How can I find time for myself?
What about enjoying my children and being a joyful mother of children?
Time to enjoy the Lord, how do I do that?
What about the time to keep nurturing my relationship with my husband?
Am I truly a Christian with all that I know about children and they are a blessing, but just not quite sure?
Family vacations?
Schooling?
How does life work right now when it is so hectic? Crazy? And seems so disorganized?

I know that many of these questions I am thinking of will leave once Mady grows out of this difficult stage. I have never had a child like this, so it is definitely wearing. I am so glad for the love and support of friends, my mom and most of all, my darling husband.

I am just being open and honest. I feel that the best way to be is transparent. I will always wear my heart on my sleeve and don't keep too much inside. Thanks for listening.

God bless all of you, enjoy the day.